Odd little creatures

What SHOULD happen when my dog has to pee:

She goes to the door and barks.

I let her out.

She goes out and pees.

I let her back in.

What REALLY happens when my dog has to pee:

Izzy goes to door.  She barks once and then begins violently throwing her body against the door as if assault would activate some sort of auto-door opening mechanism.

I shake my head at her strangeness & I let her out.

She runs out … tripping down each of the 4 stairs off our porch.  She leaps and rolls in the snow as if it were a giant bowl of the best puppy chow ever (or, equally as exciting to her, a giant mound of cat poo).

I call her back.

She continues rolling in the snow and then something pokes her… she finds a stick.  She greets said stick as if the heavens have opened up and God himself has appeared, pet her, told her she’s a good girl and awarded her this stick.

I try to get her attention again.  But how can I compete with the god-given stick?

She rolls in the snow with her stick.  It’s the BEST.STICK.EVER.

I start swearing under my breath about having to get my boots to go outside after her.

She remembers she has a tail.  And starts to chase it.

I walk outside and call to her again.

She randomly starts jetting back and forth in the snow.  It’s like watching a frenzy of spontaneous & ungraceful flailing movements (I’d compare it to how I probably look in Zumba).

I try to get near her to tell her to go inside & grab her collar.

She thinks we’re playing.

She runs and jumps and wages her tail.

I start to walk back towards the house thinking she will follow me.

She eats (what I think is) another stick (but may also be a frozen piece of poo… hard to tell when walking away angrily and frozen).

I call her in.

She turns her back to me.

I call her again.

She looks at me as if it’s the first time I called her.

I get Layla to go get her.

Layla is pissed.  She was taking her 50th nap of the day.

Layla pees and comes back in.

Izzy follows Layla back in.

Izzy takes two steps away from the door and realizes she forgot to pee.  She goes to the door and barks.

I let her out.

….at this point in the blog post…I will need you to scroll all the way back up to the beginning….