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Just as geeky as any other mommy blog … and just as diaper filled and cheerio smashed – but from Cleveland

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Father/Son Moments

I remember reading a saying when I was pregnant with Carter that went something like, “A woman becomes a mother when she is pregnant, a man becomes a father when he first holds his child.”  I’d tell you where I read it/who said it if I could remember.  But it always struck me as an interesting statement about the different ways men and women parent.  And the differences of emotions between the two genders.  Whether it holds true to ALL men/women – who knows?  But it definitely is an inside look at the differences in at least SOME parenting moments, as I do think men digest experiences differently as parents.

An example, Chad didn’t cry on Carter’s first day of preschool or kindergarten.  Or the day Carter graduated preschool.  He didn’t cry when Carter turned one, or when he first rode a bike.  He was proud, and supportive and he held my hand when I cried.  But he handled it all very well.  He told Carter how proud he was of him, he hugged him and they both went about their days … while I sat around blubbering like a crazed maniac.  And I couldn’t help but wonder, what will make this man tear up with his son?

This past weekend, it may have happened.  Unsure if he cried, he claims he didn’t.  But from the sound of his smile over the phone on Sunday afternoon, I’d say it was just about as happy as I have heard Chad in quite a while.

It was his first father/son golf outing. They’ve played golf together in the yard, they’ve gone to driving ranges, but this time… it was just different.

First, they went and bought Carter his first FULL set of golf clubs.  Chad sent me pictures throughout the store (a sure sign of his excitement).

Then they were off to the golf course.  Carter drove the golf cart, they both golfed (and evidently Carter hit very well).  Most importantly, they both had a wonderful time.

It’s these moments that will make up the scrapbook of their memories of this time in their lives, and I’m so glad they have these to share.

 

A Jelly Donut. And my Village People.

“Imagine the spinal disks in your back are like jelly donuts.”  They say.  “When you slip a disk, it’s like the jelly has pushed out through a crack,” they continue.  Yup.  This is the analogy I have heard umpteen million times from various doctors and pain management professionals.  But what the heck does it mean?

It means I have a back injury and it hurts.  It hurts a lot.  Not all the time.  When it “flares up” it’s maybe a only a few times a year.  But man, when that happens, I AM DONE.

And there is no solution.  Outside of surgery.  But, well, I’m 35.  I’d much prefer to slice my back open as a last resort and when I’m WAY older than 35.  So until it’s officially ‘last resort’ and i’m officially at least 60, I’m just going to have to live with my jelly donut squishing it’s jelly everywhere.

 

The problem is, “living with it” means a few things.  This week it meant:

  • Laying in bed with ice packs.  Unable to move. Unable to make dinners, pack lunches, clean the house, hug my husband and kids, walk my puppy, do anything outside of lay.  And watch tv. (Thank God for Bethenny being new this week…because nothing else is!)
  • Tuesday night I tucked Avery into bed and said, “you don’t have preschool tomorrow…would you like to have some special mommy-Avery time tomorrow?”  Her eyes lit up.  But Wednesday morning, when she ran in to wake me up … I was flat out on my back in pain.  And she cried.  “You said we would have mommy Avery time.”  And I cried.  “I’m sorry baby.”
  • Wednesday night Carter told me all about his day at school, how he’d learned about Georgia O’Keeffe.  He said, “can we paint tomorrow mommy?”  “I don’t know honey, I don’t know if mommy will be able to move tomorrow.”  And then I cried.
  • Wednesday night, Avery came into the room and said, “mommy, if you can’t play, can I lay with you?” It was beyond wonderful.  I cried (happy tears).
  • This morning my “belly burner” apps sent me a reminder request saying, “hey, we’ve noticed you haven’t worked out in a while.”  No shit belly burner, I CAN’T MOVE.  You condescending little app you.  I didn’t cry.
  • For two days, my puppy has laid next to the bed.  When I try to move, she sits up and puts her little face on the side of the bed and wages her tail.  I may cry.  
  • This afternoon my mother-in-law will pick the kids up at school for me.  And she’ll bring them to her house to play until my husband can pick them up.

 

Which leads me to this.  The “good thing.”  The good thing about being “down for the count” is seeing the people in your life step right in to help.  If it “takes a village” to raise kids… my village people are the best people in the world.  My husband, the grandparents, the uncles, our friends …it’s truly an amazing group of people.

I feel awful about this situation.  Trust me.  Nothing is worse than feeling completely useless.  My husband gets home from work and is basically a single parent.  My mother-in-law has dropped plans to help.  My baby girl is missing ballet tonight.  My son just wanted to paint.  My puppy only wants to go for a walk.

I guess all I can do though is try to get better.  And feel thankful for my awesome village people.  And delete than annoying belly burner app.

 

 

 

Musical Life Lessons

Most of you that know me know how much I like music.  I like all kinds of music (not so much hard rock/metal).  Truth be told, I don’t go a day without listening to music, singing to music, singing songs to my kids, dancing to music, embarrassing my kids in the car (breaking out car dance moves and belting out lyrics), singing old nursery rhymes to my kids, making up music, and thinking about lyrics to songs.

I truly think those that write music have an incredible talent to think about life lessons and turn them into lyrics and music. Sometimes a song comes on the radio/pandora/spotify and I can’t help but wonder if my kids will think about/understand/learn from the lyrics.

A few song lyrics I’ve discussed with my kids:

  • “You, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” John Lennon – Imagine
  • “I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you.  So don’t be afraid to let them show.” Cyndi Lauper – True Colors
  • “And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me Shine until tomorrow, let it be.” The Beatles – Let it Be
  • “Love isn’t silly.”  Paul McCartney – Silly Love Songs
  • “I see the kids in the streets without enough to eat – who am I to be blind – pretending not to see their need?”  Michael Jackson – Man in the Mirror
  • “In your life you’ll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team.”  Taylor Swift – Fifteen
  • “I wrapped my fear around me like a blanket – I sailed my safety ’til I sank it – I’m crawling on your shores.” – Indigo Girls – Closer to Fine
  • “All we have to see, is that I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me.” George Michael – Freedom
  • “Sometimes the clothes – do not make the man.” George Michael – Freedom
  • “I think there are pieces of me you’ve never seen.” Tori Amos – Tear In Your Hand
  • “My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes.” – India Arie – Video
  • “My mama said a lady ain’t what she wears but, what she knows.” India Arie – Video
  • “Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
    The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
    It’s human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
    Live on and be yourself.” – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Same Love
  • “I’m not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you.” – Ani Difranco – 32 Flavors

And of course:

“My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.” Rascall Flatts – My Wish

 

*I’m writing this while blasting “Out of Range” by Ani Difrano…maybe that song should wait ’til they’re slightly older*

 

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